Our Story

Where to begin, it has been such a long journey. It will be 3 years this January we started to try for a family. Wow.....3 years...... feels like forever. We finally got pregnant 2 years and 5 months after fertility treatments and we were so happy. The cost was 20K and the emotional cost was even greater. It was going to happen......we were going to be parents and share our lives with a child. 6 weeks into the pregnancy we had our first ultrasound and it was twins. We were overjoyed with excitement also a little scared. To see and hear the heartbeats was the best feeling in the world. I remember tears in my eyes while my heart melted. We both didn't know much about babies and to have 2 on the way was awesome but also scary. Over time we became more and more excited to be having twins. They would grow together, play together and become best friends. We were also scared to buy or do anything since the road to get pregnant wasn't without heartache and failures. We rode the emotional rollercoaster to get pregnant and we were finally getting off the ride.

As time passed and after the morning sickness left I was feeling great. I was growing each week, Thursday's was the day we would take a picture of my growing belly. I would compare it and I loved to see the changes of my body. Then I started to scarpbook the ultrasound pictures and the belly pictures so one day I could show my children how much they were loved even before they were born. I was also making, crocheting baby blankets for them. I was done the first one and starting the second one. I wanted everything to be perfect for them on the day we would bring them home.

Each ultrasound Brielle and Natalie were growing well and getting stronger. I was starting to feel them move inside me and I loved it. I would go home from work to lay still just so I could feel them move to let me know they were okay. I told them so many times I loved them and how excited we were to have them coming. My husband had even felt them a few times move but it seemed like they were always playing hide and seek. It was such an incredible feeling inside me, my babies growing. I will never forget it for the rest of my life.

Then came September 12th, the visit to the maternal fetal specialist. This was the day my world started to crumble around me. Except I didn't know the real world shattering to come. I was immediately put on bedrest due to my cervix shortening a lot and starting to dilate internally. I went home to begin my bedrest. A few days later I was laying in bed, my husband was at work and I noticed my braxton hicks were starting to become more frequent and many more an hour. I called the Dr and he told me to go the hospital. When I got there they admitted me to stay 24 hours to keep an eye on what was going on. Over the night I contracted a little less but to much for my weeks along. I was only 21 weeks at the time. The next morning the ultrasound showed worsening of my cervix. I was scared to death at that moment. The doctors didn't give me much hope of making it, said it seemed like it was an infection. Again I was admitted except this time to stay until my babies were born. They did everything they could, medications for the contractions and antibiotics. Each day I layed there I prayed like I had never prayed before and talked to my babies telling them to stay in there. I had never been so scared in my life. I felt so helpless, and feared the worst.
Monday September 22nd my water broke on baby A at 420am. I remember having really bad contractions they couldn't stop and I think that is what did it. I called my husband immediately telling him he had to get to the hospital right away. I was shaking, my whole body shaking with fear. I was crying and thinking this is it, my babies are not going to make it. Why is this happening? Over the next day the contractions got a little better. The Dr told me they can keep me pregnant as long as I don't start bleeding or have contractions they can't stop or I start a fever. But she was also very honest and told me her gut feeling was that I would go into labor in the next 24 hours.
Well 24 hours almost exactly the contractions got so bad I was in a lot of pain. It was 11pm the next evening. They then took me to labor and delivery were I was induced to have my babies because the infection had gotten bad and I would be putting my life at risk now. I got an epidural since I was in enough emotional and mental pain knowing what was to come.
My babies were born the next day September 23 at 413 and 425pm. They were 22w5d along. The delivery was uneventful and they both were born alive. They lived for just over an hour each and they were perfect. I counted their toes and fingers and held them close to my heart. I can remember what it felt like. I was a mother, I am a mother, my babies are angels. I am a mother and always will be. They may not be here to be held in my arms but they are being held in my heart. I miss them like nothing else in this world. The pain is so great your heart actually hurts. I cry all the time, nothing has to set me off, I just miss them and cry for them. One thing I have learned from this is that life isn't fair, bad things happen to good people and never take anything in life for granted. Any pregnancy can have a bad ending no matter how far along you are. Each baby born alive in this world are miracles.
Once again we are on the rollercoaster from hell with no end in sight. One day we will try to concieve again, after we heal inside. It will be a very anxious time for us but we will get through it no matter what. We want to have a healthy baby to bring home, but we will never forget our angel babies no matter what. They will live inside us forever.