Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Hard Days

The last two days have been especially hard and I don't know why. I have been more depressed sad, and crying then I have been lately. The sadness is so deep within me, it actually hurts. Why did my babies have to die? Why? They were so perfect, so innocent and just wanting to live on this earth. They deserved to live as much as anyone else. I know I will never know the reason for this but it seems so unfair.

I am off to work tomorow. I am so scared of what to expect of other people or myself. I am a private person when it comes to my sad emotions but I know I won't be able to hold it in. There will be tears maybe a lot of them. Some people won't know what to say, others will say the wrong thing not meaning anything bad by it and others will just hug me and say sorry. I work with probably up to about 80 people and it will be over whelming to deal with at first. I appreciate all the support I have recieved from them all but all at once will be scary for me. I am really anxious but I know I have to go back sooner or later. It will never be easy no matter how long I take off. I wish I could just stay at home forever and never get out of bed.

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