Today I am having a hard time being thankful for all the good things in my life as I hold a constant sadness and reminder my babies are not with me today. I am trying to be strong as I didn't think this day would create such a depth of depair inside me. I though Christmas would be the one day that would get to me. To my surprise Thanksgiving is affecting me more than I realized. I was given a invitation to go to a friends house for dinner but I had to decline knowing I wouldn't be good company. So my husband and I are going to have a small healthy dinner alone and treat it as any other day and watch the Dallas Cowboys on TV.
The things I am grateful for are:
My husband, who is the love of my life and has always been there for me through this horrible time in our lives. I appreciate everything he does for me. He is a hard worker at his job, does so much around the house and is a wonderful man. I am so lucky to have him. I don't know what I would have done without him at my side. He is the best. The last 16 years with him have been the best years. I love him so much.
My house, a roof over my head. I am grateful for this knowing in the terrible state of the economy so many people are without homes and are living in terrible conditions. Many people around the world live without clean water, food and in dirty, unsanitary conditions. I am grateful I was born in this place in the world so I can have a healthy life and to have the opportunities I have been given.
My job. I was able to go to university and obtain my Bachelors of Nursing degree and work in the Operating Room. I earn a good living and am never without in my life. So many people have lost jobs in the last few years, I am grateful to still have mine.
My friends and family, even though there are times we have our problems. I love my mom, dad and my brother. They have always supported me in whatever I wanted to do with my life. I appreciate them so much, even though we live far apart. I miss them dearly but I have a good life where I am living.
My BBC connections. I am so very grateful for the women who I have met on my BBC boards. I have such support with people who truely understand what it is like to live without your children, and to have them only in your heart and mind. They are all such wonderful, strong and amazing women. My boards are my rock, I go on everyday to know I am not alone and they are always there for me, in the ups and downs. They always know what to say.
There are many other things I am grateful for each day, but it is hard to see them through the fog of depression and sadness that lingers each moment. But today I am trying to realize the good thing even though I miss my babies Brielle and Natalie so much.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
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5 years ago
2 comments:
It is nice to remember all the good things we have in our lives also, while still forgiving ourselves for being down. I'm glad we all have each other. Happy Thanksgiving to you.
Tiffany, I do not know you but came across your story in BBC. I have never lost a child so I do not know your pain. My parents lost my little brother Nov 1, 2004 at the age of 6. 4 years later and we all still have our days. I was so moved by your story. I was sitting at work just crying. Holidays are always the hardest From Oct-Mid Feb are always the hardest. He got sick in October and his Birthday was Feb 1st. I said a little pray to Clayton and told him to go find your girls and give them a great big hug. Something that always helps me get thru was we told Clayton to drop a penny upside down whenever he was thinking about us. I find pennies all the time and it brightens up my day a little more!! I wish you and your family a Happy Holiday Season. If you ever need to talk you can email me kaelco85@hotmail.com. (((HUGS)))
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