My birthday

Today is my birthday and I don't know how to feel. I don't seem to be into it this year. It's another day that I was expecting to be pregnant, obeying bedrest or house arrest orders, and spending the day uncomfortable with my beautiful babies inside. Nothings seems the same as I compare it to my dreams of what should have been. I think I had the whole last part of my pregnancy planned out in my head and it is still playing, just not in real life. These kinds of days, days with significance are hard to deal with emotionally. Part of me wants to enjoy it a little but I feel such sorrow for my babies not sharing it with me. I know they are with me in spirit, my little angels, but it isn't the same. I miss you a lot today Brielle and Natalie, I wish you were here to celebrate with me. I will feel you inside my heart today.