Does it ever make you wonder

Does it ever make you wonder if your life is going to be as good as others? I feel my life is at a stand still and I will never get to the place I want so badly to be, a mother. I am a mother to baby angels, brielle and Natalie but I want to share myself and my life with a child who I can hug physically on this earth. I feel a lonely, longing feeling of despair that I will never get to this point in my life. My husband contacted his old friends on Facebook and they all have children, and a lot of them have babies. Spending time looking on there with him made me feel sad again. This has made me realize that my life is not moving anywhere, I am running as hard as I can but making go leaway. Everything I do seems to crumble before I get to the finish line. Seeing the pictures of their babies, and children sent shooting pains into my heart and stomach. The physicall feeling of pain is once again with me.

Yesterday turned out to be a good day. I accomplished getting throught the whole day without crying or feeling depressed to the point I didn't want to do anything. So this makes up for the fact that right now, on Sunday I am now feeling down. I got my tattoo being drawn up to be done for today, I went golfing and helped my husband set up his facebook. Keeping busy with my weekends is very helpful to busy my mind. When I have to much alone time, my mind starts to slip into depression. My therapist labels me as moderate to severely depressed and mentioned medication. I would like to take something, especially before the holidays, but it takes 4 weeks to fully feel the effects. Since we are going to try again in Jan to become pregnant
I don't want to take anything, so my system is clear of harmful medications. I will just keep busy with my Husband and friends.