Saturday, November 8, 2008

Our baby shower day

Today I was busy doing things with my dad who is visiting and I all of a sudden realized that today we were suppossed to have our baby shower for you. Oh Briell and Natalie, how I miss you. You and I were going to be together with friends and family celebrating your up coming birth into this world. Presents for you were to be opened with excitement and joy. Gifts that were to be placed so perfectly in your baby's room with love and care. I remember thinking when the day was set, how far away it seemed. But it is here and not the way I could have ever imagined it. This day reminds me again of what I have lost and what will never be. All the dreams I had for you are shattered over and over again as I approach these once so important days. There was going to be games, cake and laughter and joy. I was so excited, to have this day, the day I had always pictured in my mind. It was going to be perfect. Oh so perfect for my beautiful, so loved and wanted babies. We always talked about how two baby girls were going to change our lives so much, in wonderful ways, we never imgained it would be this way when we said those words. One thing I have learned from all of this pain and heartache is to never take anything in life for granted. Always live life to the fullest and never say never. Today I am going to remember all of the memories of you both that I am grateful for. Like when I got to hold you while you were alive and tell you I loved you more than anything in this world while you past away in my arms. The feeling of being a mother even if it was for a short time and seeing how much your daddy loved you and still loves you. These are some of the memories I will cherish for the rest of my life.

To my angels Brielle and Natalie, I love you more than words can express and I miss you so much it hurts. I know you are with me in my heart and I believe that angels breath and keep watch over us. Keep look over your daddy and I and keep us safe. Please be the guardian angels of any future brothers or sisters we give you in this world. You are so missed by so many people and you are loved forever and ever.

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