Friday, April 24, 2009

Its been awhile.....

Its been awhile since I wrote on here. I haven't really known what to say, but I have lots to say. I know that doesn't make sense but things are very messed up with my head with all my anxiety and emotions right now.

My pregnancy is going well. Every 2 weeks I see my high risk OB, baby and my body are doing well. Next appt is May 4th, and we will hopefully find out the sex of the baby. I am now 15 1/2 weeks and feeling good. I know my anxiety level is starting to rise. I feel the fear mounting inside as I approach the later weeks of the teens and the early 20's. I lost Brielle and Natalie at 22w5d and I know those times during this pregnancy will be extremely hard for me. A few nights ago I had a bad dream. My dream was about my cervix doing the samething as last time, but we caught it earlier. I woke up and was unable to fall asleep again for a while. Even as I write this, thinking of it all makes me worried. I know the doctors are watching me closely but what happens if they don't catch something in time? I don't know if I could go through another loss, what will it do to me?

I have been taking it easy at work and at home. My husband is so good, helping with everything around the house and being so understanding. I love him so much, I hope he knows. The people at work have also been really good. They look out for me, and I appreciate it from my heart. I am fortunate to work with people who care about me and my baby.

I promise to update more often.


JenJen said...

I think all of us in dbml have the same fears and anxieties of the same situations happening again, and of losing another precious baby.

I'm glad that your pregnancy is going good, and we are here for you whenever you want to get any of your anxieties out in the open.

More updates will be great :)

Mommy (You can call me OM) said...

Oh, I just can't imagine the anxiety and fear you must feel. I'm thinking of you and praying for you. Please continue to share your feelings so we can offer our support.

Krista said...

We are so on the same page with this anxiety! I have also had dreams and a lot of flashbacks to when everything happened. It is going to be a long summer! I try to get on the BBC board, but it is so busy, I can't keep up!

Never forgetting Gregory said...

Happy to hear things are going well. I have nightmares about losing this baby at least once a week, so I know how they really mess with your mind. Glad your hubby is taking care of you. Hugs.

Anonymous said...

Tiff, you really need to up date us on how well you are doing.....your friends are going to want to know.... We love ya, Patti

Mom of 3 and bride-to-be! said...

Please come back and give us an update!!!
Still lifting you up in prayer,

Fruitful Harvest said...

I will keep you in my prayers.
I pray this pregnancy goes well.
I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful girls.

I just suffered my first early miscarriage (Jan 20 2011) so not quite 1 month ago.
I was 8w4d.

I love your 20 things a grieving mom wants you to know.....

Peace and Love,

Fruitful Harvest said...

Oh I wanted to leave you a link to my very new blog

My Journey Through Miscarraige

I do have 3 other blogs miscarriage blog does not show up on my profile page as I don't want people I know in real life to read it. I wanted a place to really open up.